We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
