so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize