The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
