Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
