Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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