This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
