I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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