nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
