You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
