At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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