are you still at the devil's house?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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