kristin has been a bad kristin
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
