No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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