Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
