I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize