why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
