i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize