the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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