dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I checked into jail on foursquare
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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