Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
