How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize