Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
