Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
