and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
