oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
