I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
should my penis look like a turkey
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
We need to get me chipped asap
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