it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
