everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize