Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
