I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
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