I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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