No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
