Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
