You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
