Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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