he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
