I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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