I think im going to throw up on grandma
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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