Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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