I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
