she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
