i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
MIDGETS
????
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
