Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
