SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
