mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
