I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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