when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
