So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
