I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
