The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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