I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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