I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize