$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You ate ashes out of my bong
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
