The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
