ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
