i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Randomize
