That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
