He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Randomize
