I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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