I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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