my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize