There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
