are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Randomize
