Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The ass gains better be worth it
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