Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
