Welp...herpes.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
