So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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