Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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