We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
