oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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