my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Houston, we have a blender
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize