I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
