she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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