dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
