you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
