I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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