I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
