Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
