Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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