so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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