In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
