I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
