He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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