my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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