It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
