that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We left an ass print on the piano.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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