currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
