dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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