your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
