"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
