i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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