I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
my penis made a compromise with my morals
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
