When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
